what if i dropped all the things im supposed to be doing in my life...

like going to school // work// friends// whatever

&&focused 100% only on my talent

Now if i fail i will be THE BIGGEST LOSER EVER

But if i succeed than I am a great story, i am a legend

smh. 

So what shall i be along the way, a lonely leader? 

The best thing yu can wear is YOURSELF....

hi pretty lady. ;)

i took a nice vacation last weekend and i jus had such a good time with the company of myself. :)

anyway, sunday morning i woke up for my final day of complete isolation

 naturally i began tossin off my clothes headed for the warm water

and i glanced over at myself in a full length mirror

and i DUNNO if it was the morning sunrays that beamed through the window onto my body

or the suprisingly innocent look i caught in my eyes

but i had stopped in my tracks, i was in awe at the sight of my own bare physique

i found pleasure in viewing my own body

&& i want yu to kno that..

yu should too :)

i want us AS THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN that we are.

to stop and appreciate the temple we are blessed with

i would like for us to

lay out and admire every single curve of our body

inhale your bodys scent,

because WE ALL have our own unique smell

take it in, LOVE IT

stroke yur love NEST

its yours and ONLY yours.

;)

stare yurself in the face and dont be bashful about yur beauty

because yu are everyBIT of that lovely face yu see.

i want yu to embrace every

SCAR, STRETCH MARK, FRECKLE, MOLE, CELLULITE

take yur time honey

if you need to switch into many positions so yu can  get a complete view,

NO ONES WATCHING YOU ;)

because WE need this..

one our worst days we should always let our confidence shine through

& DONT YU EVER DOUBT iT.

love that body & yur exceptional face

DONT CHANGE FOR ANYBODY.

use it & love every bit that you got!

dont yu DARE sell yourself short.

dont yu DARE look for validation within a man.

HES NEVER GONNA FILL YU UP,
yu gotta fill yur self up.. & that man will act as yur accessory.. ;)

the real me..... fareal this time

So as Ive grown up.. being just a young woman <-best book yu could ever read written by any girl
ive sometimes found it difficult to be myself
I was always either:
 a) white
 b) strange
 c) hippie
blahblahblah.

So i worked extra hard trying to find myself through what other people perceived of me
because i am SUCH A PLEASER,and i dint kno anything about me
and never taken the time out to appreciate myself that i was willing to compromise
for whatever anyone was willling to tell me about myself.. shii i didnt kno.
i realized that it was changing my life when i begun judging my sister
she was 'Ghetto' and "ugh why do yu act like that?"
i couldnt STAND the fact that she was comfortable being herself.
i imitated judgement of her in the same way judgement was given to me

byyyy theeeee waayyyyy
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE 
-Marty Daniels, 1992


the more i grew into myself and all the energy it was taken me to hide my true colors
triggered a red alarm in my head like
OKAYYYYY YU CANT DO THIS ANYMORE TOSH
i couldn't find any motivation in continuing to be what other people wanted
pieces of me built on a weak foundation
they crumbled with every new bit of strength and confidence.
and as fast as i had made up my mind the situation drowned me in things i werent prepared for...
i thought i had reached the top of the mountain but the sun wasnt shining....

i was trapped
i was lost
& i was alone

trapped// i cant go back, but im too afraid to go forward... whats out there? yu kno the world is already bad. :(
lost// nobody prepared me for this. i dont even know who i am. how am i supposed to find out who i am. what if im jus a really mean ugly person that no one likes? haha
alone// no one else is like yu, and to stand up and be yourself no one else can tell yu who yu are besides u. /TRUTH

and when the world is kickin my ass!!!! who comes to my rescue??? ..... God :)
i swear when im feelin my worse and no one can get me up i jus look to God.
and there he was waitin for me' with my sunshine. ;)

once i understood that God was the only person i needed to please because i understood that he is THEEE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN SEE MY HEART. i broke down in tears. it was like he healed me in jus that instant
i was FREE to be whoever i pleased because he was all that mattered.

I didnt worry about who on Earth was gonna love me because i knew God would put everything in place & i put my trust into him. :)
I kno this is fresh and i may still have some bumps along the way, bt hey im always down for the lesson . God made me beautiful.

So excuse me world I would like to introduce myself AGAIN ...

My name is Tosh, and i choose to speak from my soul. im jus growing into a beautiful young woman in a world that is never real. i feel like He made love my purpose and imma follow it through. everyones got a voice so hit me up.

hmm,

yu kno sometimes LIFE SUCKS!

yu want the $$$ now bt yu've got to work hard for it.

and i dont jus want the money i want success.

i want ALL THE SMARTS that come along with itt

and it sucks even more because i KNO that

I AM A GOOD WRITER

bt there are sooo many aspects to writing that i cant decide on one

and its like the more I know the harder it becomes..

one things for sure thooo...

i dont want to LET ANYTHING slowww me down .

decisions decisions decisions...

im jus in search of inspiration with a pen in my hand

with a clear mind and an open heart.

SCREAM AT ME!!

dear lord

Dear Lord,
Please keep me strong and sane.
Please help me keep in mind the reason I stay. Please remind me that I'm focused and fill me with love and inspiration.
Give me the patience to balance out my future anticipations.
Show me the way so i'll never get lost,
Make sure i understand hard work makes me the boss.
Keep my eyes open so i can gain knowledge from any and everything.
Raise my head up high so they will acknowledge that im a queen.
Keep me close so that i kno you've always got my back.
Relieve me of those feelings, so i wont hate my dadS.
Push me to always do my best, cuz i know yu made me special and i am nothing like the rest. ;)

Amen.

serene.peace.

And when the night is darkest i find so much peace under the stars alone. I wish it was safe to lay under the sky on the cool grass on a hot summer night... the calm and the night make me wanna jus spend my life in the wild jus writing my deepest thoughts with a soft melody playing the soundtrack to my life. I hate that i live in a world where i always have to keep up to fit in. Why cant i let my writings speak for itself? I wanna go to a place where money and status is irrelevant and the biggest bragg looks like a silly fool. Where i can bring the world to believe in the same things as me, i wanna see happy faces, and feel loving hearts intertwined into the closest communitys mirroring Gods joy and love for us. So far ive only been able to capture this environment in my mind. And that paradise is short-lived, because reality awakens me in the morning... damn, life sucks...

Literally and Figuratively a DOG

okay so this lil min pin that we have named Ocho, has been the most annoying good for nothin dog ever. First he tried to hump our Rott, cryin bad that he couldnt go outside. Then he dug a whole into the neighbors backyard and finally he decided he was grown and started coming in and out the house literally.. He would leave for like 3 days and then decide to come back for a couple. Then he would be off again.

That DAMN OCHO playin real games with my little sisters heart, probably thinkin the dog dont like her she already doesnt have any friends she cant be so bad that a dog would stay away from her. Anyways my point is there is no point. Its jus good to hear that now that lil punk has a bad leg.. He been hoppin around on three legs for some reason no one seems to know why. ANIMAL CRUELTY? maybe.... call em so they can take this dog from us! :) haha