iQuit Twitter

perfect place for my mind.
wrongFCUKIN audience..

well, im goin to TRY and quit twitter. :)

how i met my pretend boyfriend.

Chillin at B&N..
and love is on my mind...
:( im trapped in this space...
im so passionate about it
its scares me... i think i maybe scaring other people.

okay so this is how i imagined it....
see id be sitting here on my Laptop writing about you jus how im doing it now.
sitting up straight in one of the steel chairs at the table.
headphones blasting . white mocha sippen. dilligently typing jus like im doin now...

and from the parking lot this chocolate man with nice lips and small eyes walks up and
innocently looks me over..
and maybe you were walkin in jus to pick up a book for your mother
wearing your sweats vneck and slip ons .. or your psych class.
you saw me i saw you .. we make eye contact and then you look away..
oh well eye candy here and gone...

back to the typing madness... and before im prepared.
theres a gentle tap on my shoulder and then you shift to the side..
i give you one of my favorite what the fcuk looks .
your expression changes to one of suprise and concern
"i apologize i didnt mean to scare you"
and i smirk. more relaxed. "its all good"
eye candy is gonna SELL HISSELF to me.. :)

and so we chat. he's smart. he's in the process of going where he wants to go.
wherever that is. total gentleman politely asks me if he could see me again sometime.
NOT 'AY, can i get your number?'
and the story begins..
but i DUNNO thas only how i imagined it... :/

that shit will NEVER happen... oh well

i.am.not.crazy

believe me when i say it.
im jus a product of my circumstances.
and if you jus give me the chance to explain i WILL make sense to you.
if i could jus show you the inner workings of me
you would get it.
cuz fcuk i make sense to me! 
its hard to write a blog without spillin it all.
but i kno some people WOULD BE upset with me.
fcuk it i jus think a little differently...

(sigh) why are you reading this? it means absolutely nothing. but come back later i should have some good stuff.

how do you say...

"im hurting"

come back later. 

its jus junk, dont read it.

sometimes i hold back .
sharing wayy too much of my life
like i wonder who in the hell would wanna read this?
jus being nosey? or do you geniunely care to listen? do i just spark your interest?
i like having relationships with soo many people but then at the same time i question them.

i never trust anyone, everyones got some plans of their own.

Marsha tells me i'll NEVER be with anyone! Not because they dont want me, guys love me! But if you get too close i shut down run off and disappear. im afraid to let anyone get close to me

mommytobe. (year 2028)

so I couldnt wait to be a Mommy....
although im smart enough to realize i cant handle one now..
but i couldnt help to fantasize about the journey...
goin backwards..
i SWORE i wouldnt be a Mom before i am a wife
my children will ALWAYS have their Mother&Father around
and i thought well damn finding jus a stable guy friend is hard enough
and then again its like fcuk id have to be a wife..
and to be a wife i have to be a grown woman
oh but wait to be a grown woman takes alot of time, experience, independence and maturity
fcuk i cant even take care of myself now and you want me to stand proud and tell you im a woman?
yikes!
hell im only 19, half the time i still act 17..
i dont WANT TO GROW UP!
that 'Mom' shii can wait this must be a phase..